Safety During An Explosive Incident

• Go to an area that has an exit.
  • Not a bathroom (near hard surfaces), kitchen (knives), or near weapons.
• Stay in a room with a phone or bring a cell phone with you.
  • Call 911, a friend or a neighbor, if possible. Inform them if there are weapons in the home.
• Know your escape route.
  • Practice how to get out of your home safely. Visualize your escape route.
• Have a packed bag ready.
  • Keep it hidden in a handy place in order to leave quickly, or leave the bag elsewhere if the abuser searches your home.
• Devise a code word or signal.
  • Tell your children, grandchildren or neighbors so you can communicate to them that you need the police.
• Know where you’re going.
  • Plan where you will go if you have to leave home, even if you don’t think you’ll need to.
• Trust your judgment.
  • Consider anything that you feel will keep you safe and give you time to figure out what to do next. Sometimes it is best to flee, sometimes to placate the abuser until you can safely exit the situation. The number one key is to protect yourself and the children.

Safety When Preparing To Leave

• Have a safe place to stay.
  • Make sure it is a place that you’re able to protect yourself, children, and/or grandchildren.
• Contact a domestic violence victim service program.
  • Find out which services and shelters are available as options if you need them. Keep their address and phone number close at hand at all times.
• Find someone you trust
  • Leave money, extra keys, copies of important documents and clothing with them in advance, so you can leave quickly, if necessary. (If you are unable to find a person you trust with your possessions another option is to open a safe deposit box in your name to store important items.)
• Open a savings account.
  • Put it in your name only, to increase your independence. Consider direct deposit from your paycheck or benefit check.
• Review your safety plan.
  • Study and check your plans as often as possible in order to know the safest way to leave the abuser.

If You Need To Leave, Take With You…

• Marriage and driver’s licenses
• Birth certificates – yours and your childrens
• Money, checkbooks, credit cards, ATM/debit cards, mortgage payment book, car title
• Social Security card, work permit, green card, passport, visa
• Legal documents including: Divorce papers, custody orders, and restraining/protective orders
• Insurance papers, medical records, and medical insurance cards
• Lease, rental agreement and/or house deed
• School and health records
• Keys – house, car, office, safe deposit box, friend’s
• Medications, glasses, hearing aids, etc. needed by you and your family
• Personal items – address book, pictures, toys, jewerly
• Copies of your spouse’s green card or social security card and all immigration related documents
• Benefit card

Safety In Your Home

(If the abuser does not live with you)

• Upgrade your security system.
  • Change the locks on all doors and windows as soon as possible. Consider a security service, window bars, better lighting, video cameras, smoke detectors and fire extinguishers.
• Have a safety plan.
  • Teach your children and/or grandchildren how to call the police and someone you have designated as a person you can trust. Have a secret code word that you and your children agree on – to communicate trouble and for people who are allowed to pick the children up. (Make sure it is unique and uncommon, but is easy for everyone to remember.)
• Change your phone number(s).
  • Screen your calls if you have an answering machine or caller ID. Save any messages that contain threats or violates any court orders. Contact your local phone company and cell phone provider about getting an unlisted/unpublished phone number. Make sure you do this for all your phone numbers and your children numbers.  (Make sure changing children’s phone numbers do not violate any court orders.)
• Talk to neighbors and landlord.
  • Inform them that the abuser no longer lives with you and they should call the police if they see the abuser near your home. If a restraining/protective order has been issued make sure your landlord and neighbors are aware and call the police immediately if they see the abuser violating the order.
• Get legal advice.
  • Find a lawyer knowledgeable about domestic violence to explore custody, visitation, divorce, and protection provisions to protect you and the children. Discuss with the lawyer restraining order options.

Safety and Emotional Health

• Get support
  • Call a domestic violence crisis help-line and/or attend a women’s or victims support group for at least two weeks to gain support from others who have experienced abuse.
• Counseling
  • Counseling for you and your children is important in the healing process as it helps you learn more about yourself and the abuser, as well as the effects it had on the children.
• Do what is safe for you
  • If you have to communicate with the abuser, arrange to do so in the way that makes you feel safe whether by phone, mail or in the company of another person. Safety is the number one priority!

Safety and Your Children

• Notify schools, coaches, activity instructors, and day/childcare programs.
  • Provide them a list of who has permission to pick up the children and give the family code word. Discuss with them other special provisions to protect you, and your children. Provide a picture of the abuser if possible.
• Exchange children in a safe place.
  • Find a safe place to exchange the children for visitation. Some communities have specific locations just for this purpose.

Safety On The Job

• Tell somebody
  • Decide whom at work you will inform of your situation. This may include office security if available. Provide a picture of the abuser if possible. It is your right to request and expect confidentiality from those you disclose to.
• Screen your calls
  • Arrange to have someone screen and log your telephone calls if possible.
• Make a safety plan
  • Create a safety plan for when you enter and leave your work place. Have someone escort you to your vehicle or other transportation.
• If you and the abuser work at the same location, discuss with your supervisor options regarding scheduling, safety precautions, and employee/family benefits.