The Power and Control diagram is enormously helpful in understanding the overall pattern of abusive and violent behaviors, which are used by a batterer to establish and maintain control over his/her victim.

Isolation

• One of the most effective ways to begin to overpower another person is to keep them from having contact with others. By steadily severing their relationships with family, friends, and co-workers, the batterer insures that the victim has little support. The batterer becomes their only point of reference, thereby defining and controlling his/her world.

Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming

• Abusers often minimize or deny the abuse, or they blame their partners for provoking it. They may minimize the severity of the injuries, or outright deny that they caused them. Sometimes abusers play mind games with their victims trying to make them feel crazy.

Using Children

• Using children is yet another way that an abuser can instill feelings of guilt and incompetence in their partner, making them feel like a “bad” parent. Some abusers will force children to turn against their parent, or will threaten to take the children away if the victim were to try and leave.

Using Male Privilege

• Men are often raised to believe that they have been given the right to be dominating and aggressive. Being “tough” and “in charge” are accepted and expected as part of one’s manhood. It is all too often the case that abuser use this gender imbalance as a justification for violent or controlling behavior.

Using Economic Abuse

• By controlling and limiting their partner’s access to financial means, an abuser can assure that their victim will have limited resources if s/he has thoughts of leaving. The victim may have to turn over their paycheck, leave their job, or account for every penny spent. Too often victims have to choose between staying in an abusive relationship or being thrust into economic ruin or poverty.

Using Coercion and Threats

• Threats are used to control the victim by creating intense fear that can paralyze the victim’s ability to act or keep themselves constantly on guard in an effort to protect their lives. Some common threats are suicide, threats to kill the victims children, and/or, threats to damage property, etc.

Using Intimidation

• Abusers will often commit terrifying acts in order to keep their partner in a state of continuous fear. This may include smashing things, killing pets, harassing friends and family, suicide and homicide. Intimidation periodically reinforced with assault, makes violence a daily part of the victim’s reality and, in turn, makes them easier to control.

Using Emotional Abuse

• Emotional abuse is the most common form of control and can often exist in relationships where there is not physical abuse. This includes put-downs, insults to the victim’s intelligence and abilities, name-calling, making the victim feel crazy, etc. In so doing, the abuser systematically breaks down the victims spirit and self-esteem. The victim may begin to feel as if the abuse is their fault or that they deserve it.