Domestic violence usually follows a distinct pattern or cycle, known as the Cycle of Violence. There are three phases to this cycle: Tension Building, Violence, and the Honeymoon Period.

Over time, the cycle of violence usually speeds up, increasing in occurrence and intensity. The honeymoon phase may shorten, while the violent phase is drawn-out.

Tension Building Stage:

The batter may…

• Fear rejection and use abuse to control
• Blame the partner for problems
• Is often jealous and/or possessive

The victim may…

• Think s/he deserves it
• Minimize his/her pain
• Repress his/her anger
• Feel like s/he is “walking on eggshells”

Violence Stage

The batter may…

• Show extreme rage
• Desire to “teach him/her a lesson”
• Threaten victim (If you tell, I will take the kids)

The victim may…

• Feel terrified
• Allow him/herself to express own anger by fighting back
• Feel depressed, helpless, hopeless

Honeymoon Stage

The  batter may…

• Feel guilty and sad
• Cry and beg forgiveness
• Make promises to change behavior
• Be loving and kind
• Bring presents/flowers

The victim may…

• Feel happy and hopeful
• Feel sympathetic toward partner
• Believe what partner is saying is true